I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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