My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
