did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
