i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
