It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
