A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Actions speak louder than pants.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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