im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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