Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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