hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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