I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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