i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My feet surprised me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
