yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
