So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
