Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
