pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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