I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
