It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
