everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
