um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
