we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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