My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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