It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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