Don't you send me to vm
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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