so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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