At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
