She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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