well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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