Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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