Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
