party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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