Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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