I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
