just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
