Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
