Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up under a house in Key West
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