I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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