I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
