Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
