your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
