Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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