Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
