idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
