It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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