the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
