SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
