A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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