Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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