I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
