a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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