Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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