If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
