just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
