Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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